A Journey of Healing and Happiness

Happy 2nd Birthday Aaron!

2012-01-04T06:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Aaron,
In the scriptures it tells us our words and actions are recorded by the angels in Heaven. I hope whomever may be recording my words and actions today will pass them along to you. Happy Birthday sweet boy! I imagine today would be a fun filled day, no brothers at home with us, just you and me celebrating the day away. We would probably buy you a trike so you could ride bikes with the boys. You would practice in the basement with Preston, it seems in our family during the winter the empty basement becomes the play land for bikes and anything with wheels. All though Dad has helped your brothers discover remote control cars, so maybe we would be getting you one of those to keep up with the boys. I wonder what we would make for your family dinner? I am sure something easy like Mac n cheese or chicken nuggets isn't that what all 2 year olds love? Of course cake and ice cream would be served and family would come and what a day it would be.....who are we kidding around here it is a week celebration at least, if not longer.

Of course you are not here, so instead we hang a Happy Birthday banner (made by Aunt Tessa) and ever so silently mourn the day we celebrate you. We will visit you at your grave with candles (your brother wanted strobe lights, but I am not sure how I feel about that @ the cemetery). We love you and miss you everyday, and we want you to know that we feel you, we know you are close.

Love you so much,
From all of us but especially Mom

P.S in case you didn't know......but I am sure you knew before us-YOU ARE GOING TO BE A BIG BROTHER!

Football

2011-10-30T08:57:00.000-07:00

Stockton loved playing football for the first time ever this year. He has been wanting to play football for the longest time, but you know life was a little crazy. He worked so hard at it. He stopped eating sugar and soda. He ran until he threw up. Football is a definitely a man's sport. Not only did he manage to pull about 3 hours of practice a night, but also a straight A first quarter report card in middle school. Way to go Stockton! We are so SO Proud of you!

Preston to is sad for football season to be over too. He loved playing endlessly at the park.

Summer Review

2011-08-31T10:50:00.001-07:00

This summer we decided not to have surgery to just fix a few things on Stockton's face, instead he decided to enjoy summer, and we did...

We played hard with the dog. My boys love this thing so much, I on the other hand...well I am thankful for the entertainment he provides for everyone.

We sent Stock off to a week long Boy Scout Camp, just weeks after all the 12 year old sad Boy Scout stories hit the news. I was seriously okay with him not going, but he thought he could handle it! He loved it, but asked to get a ride home from a leader who was coming home early in the morning on the last day. He walked in and yelled, "Mom, Mom, Mom....Is everyone okay?" I love him!

We found that Preston truly loves anything with a heartbeat.

We went to the Conference Center for Music and The Spoken Word. Thanks Grandma for the awesome field trip, we loved it!

We wheelbarrow raced at the 24th of July Party.

Parades, we hit the parades. The best is always the Draper Parade lots and lots of candy.

At one point this summer Preston had over 32 mosquito bites on his body from working at the Stake Farm. He looked like this for a good week.

Keeping up with tradition, we had our awesome Nault Family water-fight!

I Fly Utah

2011-07-21T08:40:00.000-07:00

Quite sometime ago Grandma Vickie took the boys to IFLY. Which is an indoor skydiving shop in Ogden Utah. A vertical wind tunnel moves air up in a vertical column, creating the indoor skydiving experience. They had a blast!

First they had a short meeting explaining hand signals and rules, and then off to get outfitted for the adventure.

Sam, he loves this kind of stuff.

Preston, I love his cheeks.

Stockton, I am not sure what he was thinking, but my nephew standing next to him was nervous.

Preston stepped out,

Got up,

and off he went.

Stockton, well he is just a lot bigger than Preston, the guy could not just throw Stock over the wind tunnel to get him to go, but he tried.

On the second time around Stockton got it and with the help of the instructor was whipped all the way up inside the tunnel. He thought it was very cool!

And then Sam, well I already told you, He LOVES this stuff!

Remember this-

2011-07-19T21:54:00.001-07:00

This is how much Stockton has grown from Christmas- Here I still had at least a half of a head on him.

To just before we went to New York in May-

You should see how much my grocery bill has increased too.

Halloween revisted

2011-07-19T21:40:00.000-07:00

Remember this post about 'Halloween'. Well Preston was just not sold on the costume without the weapon idea. One night before Halloween I walked in on the discussion that Preston and his Dad were having. It went something like we could make your hair look like the Avatar.

Later that night Sam explained his idea to me and I heard we can just color his hair blue with an arrow in it. I remember I said sure that would be okay.

Fast forward to Tuesday night before Halloween. I left the house. I left my son with his trusting Father. To return to this!!

Oh LOTS and LOTS of tears were shed. Lots of what were you thinking, how are you going to explain this to my Parents!! After a day of silence on my part, and a day of a little boy believing he IS the Avatar, I learned to deal with it, and let Preston enjoy it.

He was a hit for Halloween, but it had to be gone by Monday morning per the Principal of the school's request.

Tonsillectomy + "Mom come lay by me" = Blogging time.

2011-07-13T14:47:00.000-07:00

Preston is recovering from a tonsillectomy, so I am laying by him and updating the blog...finally.

I wanted to start by updating from Halloween, but that post will have to wait. I brought the wrong SD card from my camera downstairs, and there is no way I am moving or the little boy who hasn't slept in a while will awake and it will be bad.

We will start with early summer this year:
We graduated from kindergarten and from the 6th grade. The last time the boys will ever be in the same school at the same time again.

We left the day after school got out on separate vacations. Sam and Preston on the west coast to visit his brother in Southern California. While Stockton and I headed to the east coast to visit Washington DC and New York City.

Preston and Sam headed to Sea World. I now have a boy who is all about sea life. In fact in the past 5 days I have watched about seven documentaries on marine biology, and all he talks about is going back to the ocean and being a dolphin trainer.

He also sent me a text message and told me "I am tall enough to ride California Screamin' should I ride it?" Followed by this picture:

Off he went and ended up riding it a few times.

He loved the crab sandwich and getting in the hot tub at his Uncle's house.

Stockton and I had a blast in Washington D.C, although we did experience the rare record breaking heat wave and humidity that almost killed us. In fact we found t-shirts to just describe our vacation:

That should just about describe it!

We did go to D.C Cupcakes or also known as Georgetown Cupcakes, and to Carlos Bakery or also known as the Cake Boss. If you look really close you can see Buddy waving out the window. Loved all the goodies we tried.

This trip I noticed this!!

Stockton is officially taller than his Mom.

When we came back from our trips the next weekend I ran the Wasatch Back. It was a lot of fun and loved every minute of it! I was very glad to have an awesome team and can't wait to do it next year.
(okay Ryan and Tessa, I blogged!)

We Are Doing Great!!

2011-06-19T12:45:00.000-07:00

I got a phone call this morning, asking if we were okay? I got an email a few weeks ago asking if we were okay, and then a comment on a 2 month old post asking if we were good. We are great, just enjoying life, and loving it!! Hope you are too.

Catch up!

2011-04-04T23:04:00.000-07:00

I need to blog and catch up on family life. It seems we are so busy with school, church and work. Yes, Sam and I are both working, to pay off our medical expenses for the past year. I hate working....Actually I like working, I just hate doing what I do right now. But I am very grateful for the job.

Sam is doing well, we are changing medications again-I am so dreading this, but some of the medications he is on are hurting the kidneys, so his Nephrologist is changing things up. OH PLEASE PRAY FOR HIM!! I am very nervous to start changing his medication again.

Stockton is doing great also. I have had the hardest time realizing that I have a preteen son. He wants email, facebook, and a cell phone. UGH Can't we just go back to the Lego days? He is such an awesome kid and I hope we --I really mean me-- can handle this preteen/teenage life. I just hate the fact that he is growing up. Makes me sad. Stockton has his second surgery on his face in June and He is excited to get his scaring taken care of so people will stop asking him, "What happened to your face?"

Preston is doing well also. He wrote a sentence for school when they were learning about the "OT" family and this is what it said "My Mom has a spot and it has a hir in it" Yes, he thought it was so funny to use a line from Diary of the Wimpy kid, and tell his class I have a freckle with a hair in it, I am just saying I DON'T. But thanks Preston for letting your class think so.

Thanks Aunt Jody for introducing the Diary of A Wimpy Kid Movie to the Jensen house.

Here is to a New Year.

2011-01-20T20:22:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I know this post is late. Here is to a New Year, a happy year, one free from drama....Oh wait its only January 20th and here is the latest:

Sam's Grandma almost died, she even said her goodbyes, But then she changed her mind and said "I'm done with this hospice shit." And off she went to get her heart fixed, and is now fine. Actually it was sad, but it was really funny too. When your almost 90 years old you can choose to come back from deaths door.

Stockton almost died this month too. We were eating pork chops, he choked, he turned purple, I realized it was bad, I jumped to my feet to give him the Heimlich, he head butted me on the way to floor as he was passing out. But not to worry I picked him up so fast and with everything in me I did the Heimlich on my 100 pound 5 foot 1- Son. Did I mention I am only a tiny bit bigger than him. Preston than replies, "I am never eating pork chops. I am not ready to die."

Sam is off for some minor surgery later this month his wisdom teeth are impacted.

SO much for a drama free start.

I am also looking for a camera, does anyone know of a good camera that is just point and shoot? Someone...(Preston).....has taken my camera cord, I can't find a replacement for it and I really miss my camera.

If they celebrate birthday's in Heaven...

2011-01-03T23:16:00.000-08:00

January 4, 2010

Dear Aaron,

If they celebrate birthday's in Heaven, I hope you have the best birthday ever. If you were here today we would have the best biggest cake ever made in the world! We would love you and sing the worst happy birthday song ever.

Your Aunt Jody, she would buy you the loudest toy in the world. Your Grandma's would spoil you rotten. Your brothers would give you a Nerf gun, or some sort of weapon I am sure, because ever boy needs a weapon. They would insist that you would need it. Your Daddy would love you, and let you get away with anything, because after all it is your birthday. I...I would dress you in the cutest outfit, and take a million pictures, and kiss you all day and celebrate every moment with you.

But since you are not here, I hope the Angels sing the most beautiful song to you, that your Grandma's who have passed away love you. That your Aunt Glenda will take the place of your Grandma Shirley and love you and spoil you. And I hope you have the best day in Heaven celebrating the hour you were here with us. And think we are one year closer to coming home to you.

Miss you, oh so much my sweet little boy.

Love your family, but especially your Mom.

Sold!

2010-12-01T09:25:00.000-08:00

Our tree had 4 bids on it and it sold within seconds of the auction closing. The tree's purchaser was the cutest, shortest, little old couple from Heber, Utah. I stayed around the tree all night watching people talk about the tree, I was a nervous wreck! I didn't realize I was attached to the tree, until I realized there was no way it was coming home with me, I started to cry and walked away. Funny how much I fell in love with a tree. It was just a very healing project for me.

I will have to post a picture of the winning couple when I can. You can find our tree at the South Towne Expo center now through Saturday. You will find our tree on isle O-03.

Thank you again to everyone who helped!

Hannah's Prayer

2010-11-29T20:09:00.000-08:00

After a very long wonderful day, the tree is complete. I can't wait for auction night!
Thank you to my Mom, Mother-in-law, sister, sister-in-laws, and my best friend Laurie for helping me out. I can't forget Sam, he did all the prep work on the tree. You would be amazed to know that you have to reinforce that tree. When the tree is delivered it is delivered in one piece all ornaments have to be glued or wired on and that tree cannot come apart. Thank you all!

Hannah's Prayer

2010-11-14T15:25:00.000-08:00

Aaron's tree is called "Hannah's prayer". Many wondered why? Well, I was trying to think of a theme or something to base our tree around. I happened to be reading the book "The Promise of Enough" by Emily Freeman. The book is about the seven principles of true abundance. She writes about the story of Hannah, which is found in the first book of Samuel in the Bible. Hannah approaches the Lord after fasting, and with a broken heart because of the years she has waited for a baby. She pleads with the Lord for a baby. And so "the Lord remembered her". Hannah then becomes pregnant and has a son named "Samuel". She loves Samuel so much! When Samuel was very young, Hannah takes him to Eli a prophet, and lent him to the
Lord. In doing so she was completing her promise she had made with the Lord. As I read the book by Emily Freeman she wrote the feelings she felt and I too had so many different emotions come upon me.

I can't even imagine giving my little boy to someone to raise. I know that feeling of letting go, I have felt it many times. I have felt it when I have left my sons with anyone for the first time, or when I have sent the boys to school. But I really felt it when I watched Aaron pass away in Preston's arms. I wondered where would he go, and who would he be with? That is kind of a funny question because I know where he is, but I just felt like I really had to know. I think I felt the same way Hannah did in someways, when she handed her baby over to the Lord.

Hannah's story is not one of heartbreak or grief. It is one of gratitude. She was very thankful to her Heavenly Father. The story continues with Hannah going to see Samuel once a year and bringing him a hand made coat year after year. Which those coats must have been very special for Samuel, because it was written in the scriptures in his life story. Samuel goes on to grow into a powerful young man, he becomes the Prophet of Israel.

It was in this book, that I really began to think that I could be abundantly grateful for the moments I had experienced with Aaron, and that I wanted to be a woman like Hannah. I know that God remembered me, I just had to remember those moments and right them down so I wouldn't forget. Reading about Hannah truly softened my heart. Thank you to whomever gave me this book.

And so I found the theme for my tree. I then set out to find a picture. I found one and it is beautiful! And Elspeth Young the artist, she even invited me to her home and she signed it for me!

I am very excited for this tree to come together and hope you will come and see it December 1-4 at the South Towne Expo Center in Sandy Utah.

Another Errand for Aaron

2010-11-10T18:13:00.001-08:00

We are doing a tree for Aaron for the Festival of Trees. As word has gotten out that we are doing a tree, many people have offered to help. While most of the items have been purchased we have thought of something that would help us.

When we had our few moments with Aaron one of the things we wanted to do was read a story to him. We all piled on the hospital bed and surrounded him and read "Good Night Moon". This little worn out book has been enjoyed for hours by all my sons. Stockton and Preston would spend hours on my lap when they were little talking about the little mouse, the fire, the moon, all the little tiny pictures in the book. I loved that we were able to read it to Aaron.

We thought that we would fill the bottom of our tree with books. If you would like to contribute, we are in need of your favorite Religious or Christmas story book that are hard bound. We would love the help to try and fill underneath the tree with awesome books. All books have to be donated by Nov. 27th.

You can find our tree on isle O-03 it will be displayed under the name "Hannah's Prayer".

I am sorry If I offended you.

2010-10-19T09:24:00.001-07:00

I am sorry if I may have offended a few of my close friends. I did not un-friend you on facebook. I did get rid of my facebook account. For many reasons I felt it was something I didn't want to waste my time on anymore. And this decision is just for me and my family, it has nothing to do with anyone comments or likes or dislikes. Besides I am on my blog way more than facebook.

Sam is doing so good! We are on a good road and his new medication is helping him feel so much better. He worked a full two weeks and didn't take anytime off. That is the first time since June that he has made a full two weeks. We are so happy, and relieved, that he is doing good.

Stockton is continuing to heal. When people ask him "What happened to your face?" He replies with a variety of comments from a bear attack to its confidential. I hope he is handling it as well as I think he is. Sometimes I totally forget about his face and people will catch me ofF guard as they make comments, but he handles it very well. He is such a brave little boy.

Preston is also doing great, we are going in on Tuesday for our big eeg and sleep deprivation test at Primary's. Hopefully he will be able to come off his seizure medication, or we will have a complete eeg with options to weigh out. That is what we are praying for. I hope he has out grown it.

Halloween

2010-10-06T15:31:00.000-07:00

I Love, Love Halloween. I love my friend Cassy's blog, she is amazingly talented. You can visit her here. One day when I don't spend all my spare time in the car driving to doctors appointments, I will decorate my house using her as inspiration. But until then I will just covet her talents and awesome ideas.

My boys pick their costumes by weapon choice. If it doesn't come with a weapon they will pass on it. Preston has decided to be The Avatar- The Last Airbender.

We ordered the costume and weapon on Amazon. The weapon arrived today, the weapon is 6ft tall. I am now wondering how do I break the news to him, that his costume (which really is only the weapon) He can not take to school, or trick or treating, due to the fact that it is a major safety hazard and we all know we don't want to be in the emergency room on Halloween...I probably just jinxed us.

Tears I tell you. This is going to end in tears, a new toy and a different weapon..I mean Halloween costume.

Vanity

2010-09-30T17:31:00.000-07:00

Vanity is a funny thing. I can be a very vain person, but over the past year I have changed. I now, most of the time just look to survive. Sam is yellow, I am not sure why. His skin has taken on a yellow tone, mostly likely from his medications. A year ago I might have been looking for a way to stop it, but now I am just glad he is here. He was finally able to mow the lawn. Yes! for the first time this season Sam mowed the lawn. Do you know what that means? Well his new medication is helping him feel so much better. We are on day 6 of feeling good, looking yellow, but feeling good. (No, the yellow has nothing to do with his liver.)

Stockton my oh so handsome young man looks like a train wreck. His face still looks a little rough and now his hand is in a removable cast. He broke a bone in the carpal and metacarpal part of his thumb and now is left handed. I am thinking of bubble wrap for him.

Preston looks rough right now too. He has a cold that has made his face so chapped and he keeps licking his lips and his nose looks so raw from wiping it.

Did I mention that I am not vain....BUT I am.....And next week is picture day at school, so maybe we will just opt out and retry on make-up day. Do you think they will have make-up available on make-up day? Good thing I am not vain, Right?

Running with Angels

2010-09-04T08:55:00.000-07:00

I forgot to blog about my experience when we did the Running With Angels 5k it was amazing and I love my neices and nephews so much! My boys rocked it, and Preston ran the whole 3 miles by himself with Daddy keeping his distance. I love my family so much and thank you all so much for the support and continued prayers on our behalf! I found this video and thought I would share it with you.

Bear Lake 2010

2010-08-22T18:50:00.000-07:00

The Jensen's went to Bear Lake first....but I don't have any pictures of that trip. That does not mean that the Nault Family vacation was my favorite, both vacation's were a blast! ---Just a little side note.

We went to Bear Lake and we had a blast. On a last minute change of plans we decided to bring-

Preston's best friend, Jack.
The dog was a lot of work but made for a lot of laughs.

We took Jack to the marina, he went fishing and ended up in the water. The Jensen's thought it was funny....I am not sure the Nault's did.

The kids loved playing on the beach. Stockton loved being in the sun and eating a lot of food! Oh to be a growing boy.

We had so much fun, Thanks Mom and Dad for the wonderful trip!

PS- How can I take the photobucket icon off the middle of my page? Does anyone else see it?

Forgiveness: My Burden Was Made Light

2010-08-02T12:29:00.000-07:00

Here we come Mister Sun!

2010-07-29T16:33:00.000-07:00

FROM THIS---

TO THIS--

AMAZING

Today we got the go ahead to head outside. Stockton can now rome the earth with sunscreen, a hat and sunglasses. He is one happy boy! He will now start therapy to try and be able to gain function of the right side of his face....it is not that bad but lets just say you don't want to sit next to him at meal time, a lot of smackin' goin' on.

He is worried he looks a little like the joker, but he does of the original Harry Potter scar. Things are looking good for him and the surgeon thinks he will re- touch his face in one year. He wants to stretch the skin around his lips and try and make the lip line more even with pigment. I am so glad this surgery will happen next year when our wallets may be cushioned again. I probably just jinxed us.

Sam is doing alright he meets again with the Doctors in the middle of next month, but hopefully the meds will keep helping him move in the right direction.

We are hanging in there.

2010-07-09T17:28:00.000-07:00

I thought that maybe we had some good news yesterday, but then today came and Sam is once again so sick. We took him in to have a ultrasound, (AGAIN) but this time to see if his gallbladder was bleeding or a blood clot had formed from the biopsy last week. I thought yesterday we had an optimistic Doctor, but today he seemed to have changed his tune. So we will wait, we will do more test, and hope we can figure out what is wrong with Sam.

Stockton is healing, and dying to go outside. I let him go out for a little while (with a major big ole hat from Grandma on). He wants to swim really bad, but unless we made some sort of a bag contraption over his head to seal out the water, well that is just out of the question.

Preston loves this whole ordeal. He has been spoiled rotten! Even his Great Grandma gave him $5 because his brother got hurt. He is going to want his brother to be injured all the time.

The dog Jack, for those of you who knew. He almost died on Tuesday. He has the dog flu and pneumonia. Do you want to know how he got these diseases? From the pound, a little over a week ago he broke out (Or someone forgot to put him away) and he went to stay at the pound for the night. I hope he had fun! This was a very expensive adventure. I think I could have gone on a small vacation for what I paid to bail him out of this mess and get him better. But at least my boys aren't sad....ugh, what I do for them.

We are just hanging in there, I am so tired of living inside but we are trying to make the best of it and my closets look awesome! And next week I hope my kitchen will get organized. My boys are doing school work, piano and reading. Preston will go into kindergarten reading (YES!). So the time inside is being well spent but we might start writing REDUM on the windows soon.

Thanks for all the concern and amazing well wishes, we loved it and hope we can go out and enjoy the sun very soon! But I am thinking of letting Stockton enjoy the night life.....toilet papering anyone?!?!?!?

Finally.......SLEEP

2010-06-27T12:40:00.000-07:00

They finally slept through the night, and we are ALL feeling better. I think sleep is the answer to most of our problems. Thanks Mom and Dad for taking Preston!

Bring on the Rain!

2010-06-25T07:53:00.001-07:00

I am ready, my Mother in Law gave our family poncho's for Father's Day. That must of meant I was ready for this weeks events.

I might need these:

Underneath the picture it said "Make a rainy day bright."

My husband is having kidney problems he came home on Wednesday because he could not stop vomiting. He had to be very sick, Sam will work through anything.

He came in the house and said "You have to get me into the Doctor's something is really wrong with me."

I called and got him an appointment and he was showering. Stockton came and asked me "Can I go ride my bike?" I told him "5 minutes is all you have."

Well in two minutes I heard a scream from outside that made my stomach turn, and I met him in the laundry room with a bloody face. I mean bloody, he had torn the right side of his face off, and cut an artery in his face. He was coming down our hill on a Mtn Bike and looked down for a brief second and ran into the back of a parked Mini Van and went through the back windshield. THE KID WALKED HIMSELF HOME!! AND HE DID NOT CRY ONCE!! His helmet saved his eye and probably his life.

He is home recovering and has over 2 thousand stitches in his face. We are hoping it will take. He will follow up with probably 2 more surgeries after this.
He is very heartbroken about his face and doesn't want a lot of people to see him, especially the little girls, he thinks he looks like a monster and it will scare them. I still think he is beautiful and I look at him and think of all the miracles that are staring back at me for example: Why, or how does he have an eye? He is so lucky to not have cut and artery or anything else on his neck. Miracles I look and that is all I see, we are truly blessed. I am so thankful that God's hand is written all over his face.

I am very heartbroken for him and love him so much, and I am hoping that he recovers fast. We are in for a indoor summer only, he is not allowed to be in the sun due to scaring, so if you feel like sitting this is the house to visit.

As for Sam.....Well he isn't doing anything but getting his boy better right now and we have taken him off all his meds and he seems to kind of be feeling better but for now we will worry about it next week.

SO all I have to say is, I am flooded standing here in our rain, please send life preserver.

One more thing -- When I see a child without a helmet on, I will stop and take away their bike...just sayin'.

Don't GIve Up.

2010-06-16T13:13:00.000-07:00

Say a Little Prayer.....

2010-06-11T14:50:00.000-07:00

For her, my sweet little friend Kristen. She is not doing so well, and her family needs a lot of prayers. Kristen LOVES mail, if you are looking for something to do this summer with your kids, send her a card she loves mail. You can read her story here and send her Mom a sweet comment!! I know when you are faced with something so life changing it always helps to know that people are praying for you and there is no need to say anything more. "Wherever we may be, our Heavenly Father can hear and answer the prayer offered in faith."-President Thomas S Monson

Until We Meet Again

2010-05-29T20:25:00.000-07:00

We went and visited Aaron, as we left the boys talked about how cool it would be, to be at the cemetery during the rising of the dead. What an awesome sight to see bodies and spirits reunite. Of course the conversation was a little silly and a little morbid, but they cannot wait to meet their little brother. We miss you sweet boy. We hope you and Aunt Emily are working hard! I love to go and see Aaron laid right next to Aunt Emily, in my mind I couldn't imagaine it any different.

THE JENSEN FAMILY WILL WIN!!!

2010-05-23T14:05:00.000-07:00

And that's is what we heard for 3 miles. Over and Over again, Preston screaming run, run, THE JENSEN FAMILY WILL WIN!!. What a funny boy. We did come in first, but I think only the Jensen family thought of it as a race. We had a blast and we were so glad that the weather cleared up and allowed us to enjoy it.
We won a few things, but we also received a few things for the dollar amount of our donations. We wanted to share them with you, so here we go:

Winner of the Cake up to a $100 value from SugarMama's is: Cassey Anderson

Winner of the March of Dimes gym bag is: Shea Maxfield

Winner of the baby car seat cover from ETSY is: Julie Chauv

Winner of the Pedometer is: Judy Toone

Winner of the Pedometer is: Stefanie Bailey

Winner of the March of Dimes Shirt is: Linda Ewell

Please email me your address's and we will get these prizes to -- brandijj@hotmail.com

Thank you all so much, we appreciate everything that so many of you have done for us. I am so thankful to have such amazing supporters, especially on days you think that you have been forgotten about, and when the world seems to be moving too fast and you can't catch up. On those days I always think about all the amazing people who continue to do such amazing things for our family. Thank you all so much!

Today is the Day

2010-05-21T11:35:00.000-07:00

Today is the last day to donate to March of Dimes and Team Aaron. Remember if you donate, (even just 5$) We will enter you in a drawing to win a cake of up to a $100 value from SugarMama's in Draper. You can donate here Help us reach our goal!

Happy Birthday Stockton

2010-05-20T08:31:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday my sweet boy!I can not believe that you are 11. I want to cry when I think about it, time has gone by way to fast.

We had a great birthday party, it was a "Minute to Win It" theme. The kids loved it, we played: Junk in the trunk, bobble head, Johnnyapple stack, and many more. I think that most of the kids loved playing with Uncle Stephen the most. If you ask them it starts with "When Stephen......" SO next time we will just hire Stephen for entertainment. Thanks again for all who came, and we missed those who didn't.

TEAM AARON AND SUGARMAMA'S

2010-05-12T14:28:00.000-07:00

Did you know that my Mom is the woman behind Sweet SugarMama's Cakery? Did you know that Stockton use to call my Mom his SugarMama when he was little? Well Sugarmama is trying to help Aaron and has offered up this:

We have ten days to go before or walk! We are throwing out an incentive: Donate to Team Aaron and post our Team Aaron link on your facebook page or BLOG and you will be entered into a drawing for a free cake from Sweet SugarMama's Help us Reach our goal in memory of our Baby! And if you already have donated WE THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF OUR HEARTS!! And we will add you to the drawing.

Donate HERE: MARCH FOR BABIES

Running For A Cure

2010-05-09T17:04:00.000-07:00

We ran for a cure on Saturday. What an amazing 5k. If you ever want to participate in a run and be inspired, this is the race. I love watching the survivor walk on the last mile, it is truly inspiring to watch these women who have had cancer, and some who you can tell are still very sick make this walk. INSPIRING! I love watching women band together, I love seeing strong women and families come together for cause. I want my boys to marry strong, compassionate, women.

My Mom came and helped us with Preston, who entertained Grandma while we ran.

Sam and Stockton did great on the run! They stayed with each other and finished just a little over a half hour, pretty good for Stockton first run.

After the race we headed to breakfast and to Hatch Family Chocolates. The family that is featured on TLC's Little Chocolatiers. You have to know that "little people" will always have a soft spot in my heart. We had to stand in a line that was all the way out the door and around the corner, but so worth it! The best carmel rice crispy treat ever!

I AM IN!!

2010-05-07T08:20:00.000-07:00

I looked this morning -- and yes! I am in the Saint George Marathon! It looks like for the next 147 days I will be eating, breathing running, I am so excited and absolutely scared to do it.

NIE NIE - I Love her!

2010-05-05T14:50:00.000-07:00

You can pause my music on the side bar.

March of Dimes

2010-04-27T13:36:00.000-07:00

Every day, thousands of babies are born too soon, too small and often very sick. Our team is walking in March for Babies because we want to do something about this. I know you care, too. That's why I'm asking you to join us. Our little Aaron had a rare form of dwarfism called Thanatophoric Dysplasia or TD1 also known as Death Bearing. This form of dwarfism is a rare but is caused from a new gene mutation and the odds that you and your family may see it are 1 in 60,000 live births. This is just one of many types of difficulties that many families are facing, let alone cancer, sids, childhood diabetes and many more. When you walk in March for Babies, you give hope to the more than half a million babies born too soon each year. The money you raise supports programs in your community that help moms have healthy, full-term pregnancies. And it funds research to find answers to the problems that threaten our babies.

If you can't walk with us, please help by donating to our team.Even $5 would help our team make its goal of $1000.00. Thank you for helping us give all babies a healthy start!

The mission of March of Dimes is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality.

Join Team Aaron or Donate to Team Aaron Here

PLEASE HELP US REACH OUR GOAL AND DONATE IN MEMORY OF HIM:

Thanksgiving Point Half Marathon

2010-04-25T15:05:00.000-07:00

I finished the Thanksgiving Point Half Marathon in 2:11. Which I think is great, considering I am 15 weeks out from just having a baby. I will own that time proudly.

I had the best experience running. I got a call Friday from a neighbor who was also running the race. Although we have never really talked a whole lot before this, and we have never ran together, She offered to drive me to the race. I thought that was awesome! But then she ran the whole race with me, except the last little bit when I told her to go without me. She very hesitantly started to run ahead and then she continued to look back and make sure I was okay. What an amazing person you are Suzy! Not very many people, (me included) would wait for someone on such a big run. You are amazing, and to think that you and I really didn't even know each other and you did this for me was just amazing! I would not have been able to accomplish this in the amount of time that I did without the encouragement from you, and I thank you so much!!

We had cheerleaders about mile 11, my boys were very happy to see me! I was greeted at the finish line by them with Preston saying "Mom, I can't believe you won." He thought I won because I got a finishing medal...Funny how he didn't notice everyone else got the same medal.

I loved it and I am so glad that I did it. Now I need a another goal to look forward too.

Ready or Not!

2010-04-21T18:50:00.001-07:00

Ready or not the big day is approaching! I am running the half marathon this Saturday. I am looking for some inspiration to add to the IPOD. What do you listen to? The last time I asked for help filling up my IPOD I had like 3 responses, so lets see if we can fill up at least two hours of music here!

Grief and Children

2010-04-14T12:31:00.000-07:00

I have seemed to make a lot of friends who have been going through the same thing that my family has gone through, infant loss. Although I am sure this is geared more towards a loss of a parent it did have some great ideas. So I thought I would share that tonight on PBS a special Sesame Street dealing with grief will air.

Each of my family members have dealt with it very differently. Stockton I would say is more of a silent griever, he really deals with it privately and rarely talks about it, but is willing to help us remember Aaron in anyway. Preston is very vocal, He once shared loudly at church that he was ready to be a big brother, I told him he was a big brother and I tried to calm him down, and then he said "No, Mom I need a brother that is alive". While Sam refers to it as more of a punch in the gut feeling. I am obviously an avoider. I keep very busy trying to keep my mind occupied. But for me it is a different type of busy, I am worried that when I think to hard about our loss I question it. Which would not be a bad thing, but then I find myself going down a road that I know would not be pleasing to my Heavenly Father. I often have to remind myself of the amazing experiences we had with our baby, and the miracles we did witness. Although we did not receive the miracle we so desperately wanted, we still witnessed many miracles. So I think.....I more or less try to avoid the questioning part, and try and keep to my faith that I know my baby is safe in Heaven and one day I will see him again. I also avoid the moving forward part. I wanted to get a family picture taken, but I started thinking I am not ready to replace the photo of us all together yet. I am not ready to move forward in that way either. But I do know that time heals, it is already happening. I also know that having a firm testimony of the gospel is certainly a way to help you through grief.
I know that going through the motions of grief is important too. You either deal with it now or later, so dealing with it now seems better to me. We have done many activities with our kids to help them and I think it has helped. I hope that maybe this show will help someone out there.

Spring Break

2010-04-13T16:11:00.000-07:00

We headed out to the Desert for Spring Break. Where would a family of all boys and one girl go? How about to FRONTSIGHT

We had a blast. The boys love it -- almost more than Disneyland. If they had ice cream, I am sure this would be the favorite vacation site for them.
This is Stockton shooting an Uzi Submachine Gun

This is Preston shooting a Shot Gun....he did not really care for the kick back from the gun. He said "that is a man's gun".

They Have Arrived

2010-04-05T15:40:00.000-07:00

If you wanted a shirt let me know we have some leftovers. A big shout out to my neighbors Rachel and Rob Hawley, to Bill my Brother in law, and the generous people at Namifiers for helping us out. We hope to see these shirts pop up at many events this year!

2010-03-30T13:59:00.000-07:00

We drove to Primary Children's Hospital this morning with our car full of items to donate on behalf of Aaron. We had to have Preston's blood drawn first. We checked in and then we went to the lab. We sat in silence as Preston watched a Mom read to her son in a wheel chair. He watched so carefully moving from one chair to the next trying to see what book she was reading. She noticed and smiled. We watched a Dad hold his baby girl who had down syndrome. She smiled so big at us so we of course smiled back. We listened to the cries come out of the lab, then calming voices trying to reassure those who cried in pain and fear. We went in and came out and this time no one was hurt, no tears were shed. Preston confidently told us "I am a Man". Sam left to meet us with the car and as we started to leave we witnessed the numerous parents who hung in the hallowed halls of the hospital with despair and tears. Families surrounding them, Grandparents telling their children that they will be okay. As Sam and I walked we both looked at each other and tears just flowed from our eyes, You feel hopeless, you know what some of these people are facing, and we wouldn't wish it upon any of them. I wish I could have done something to ease their pain, I wish I could have helped in some way. So for all of you who helped donate to our Aaron Errand, I wanted you to know that you did help. You are going to ease burdens of parents who are away from home who are helping their children fight for their lives, whose last thing on their mind I am sure is an Easter Basket. When parents saw us unloading our stuff I heard them say 'oh yeah its Easter this weekend'. These families will be taken care of because of you and your help. Thanks again for all of the help our hearts are so full as most of the donations came from complete strangers who didn't even know us, and friends we don't even see any more. Humbled, I am truly humbled to be a thought in your mind.

Just being thankful

2010-03-25T09:43:00.000-07:00

When you have days when you feel a little down, isn't nice to be inspired? Thanks Jen for sharing this, it is absolutley amazing.

Aaron's Errand/Easter

2010-03-22T11:49:00.000-07:00

And now it is Easter, the time for the earth to come back to life, for the sun to send her warm embrace on all of us and to celebrate the biggest gift of all the Atonement and Resurrection. The Savior is the center of my whole life right now. I keep reminding myself when things get hard, that this life is only but for a moment. I know because of the amazing gifts of the Atonement and Resurrection that I will without a doubt see my son again. His body will be healed and I will know him. I think this might be my new favorite time of year. It feels like I am coming to life too.

If you would like to help with the next Aaron's Errand (the only reason why I am even putting this on my blog is because so many wanted to help). We will be helping Primary Children's Hospital Collection for Easter Baskets
Easter Sunday is April 4. If you would like to provide Easter baskets for children at the hospital, please plan to deliver them on or before Tuesday, March 30. Primary Children’s accepts three options for Easter baskets:

Baskets may be delivered completed and wrapped in cellophane
Baskets may be delivered unassembled and staff will put them together.
Individual items such as cellophane, baskets, ribbon or items for the baskets may be donated separately.
When purchasing or collecting items for the baskets, please keep the following in mind:

Items in baskets for children should not have choke-able items.
All candy should be individually wrapped and cannot be homemade.
Weapons (even as simple as a squirt gun) will not be given to patients.
Please note baby and teen baskets are needed the most.
Number of items in the basket. The best baskets include about 4-6 items and candy. For instance, a teen girl might have candy, nail polish, a small journal, socks, and lotion. For a baby basket, candy (for mom and/or dad), a bib, one boards book, small stuffed animal, and rattle.

For more information see here: PMC EASTER BASKET PROJECTPreston and I will be going to the Hospital on the 30th for a doctors appointment and we would love to drop off a few baskets. If you would like to join us please give us your basket full of the suggested items by Monday the 29th and we will take it for you. Thank you again for all your help.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2010-03-17T18:13:00.001-07:00

We have a imaginative 5 year old. He loves magic and mystical stuff. Stockton loved feeding into it and really talked up the sneaky Lepechauns story. Last night they built a trap to catch a Leprechauns.

The Lepercahuns visted them. He toilet papered their room, and left a note that said "You can't catch me". They loved the toilet paper but I think they loved turning the fan on and watching the toilet paper spin around the room more.

LOVE MY BOYS......ALL OF THEM

2010-03-13T20:10:00.000-08:00

I am so thankful for the tender mercy of my Heavenly Father. I look back on the past couple of years of my life and I truly see my Heavenly Fathers hand in all of it.

Aaron's Video and Funeral

2010-03-08T13:20:00.000-08:00

This is the new video with the funeral and corrected date for any family members who wanted to see it.

Thanks again to Jennifer Holt from Now I Lay me Down to Sleep. I can not believe how talented and amazing she is.

Untitled from Shirley Nault on Vimeo.

Running, in memory of Aaron

2010-03-04T07:13:00.000-08:00

I lay in bed most nights wondering what I can do to change the world. Yes, sometimes I aspire to be a super hero. Although minus the tights, and no cape. I have children and I have watched the 'Incredibles' and I know what happens when you wear a cape. I also lay in bed and wonder about all my boys. I wonder about Stockton and worry about him. I worry about Preston. I hope amazing things for my kids because after all their Mom is an imaginary superhero and so by that fact alone they will be amazing....even if it is for pretends. I wonder about Aaron and I know he is amazing.

As a family we are out to heal ourselves, and I know this is something that I keep talking about, but it is a everyday fight to not get down, to not lay in bed and to not get angry when I am faced with the reality of all of this. Because if you didn't know -- well, Sam and I have been wanting a baby for forever and we waited and waited. And along with us getting pregnant so did everyone else. And now we have babies raining from Heaven and a nephew that was even born (seriously I am sure) on the same day that Aaron would have been born. Sweet uh...So we try, we try really, really hard to be happy. I try, I try so hard that I am sure any day now I will get a knock on my door for super hero try outs. I think the one thing that is so hard about grief is in someway you have to try and keep your dignity too. BUT I am just putting it out there I may not be the most dignified Aunt to my newest nieces and nephew. It is really really hard to look at them and wonder a little why things turned out the way they did. Not just why did my baby die but just the timing of all the events that are happening, it is really hard.

So what do you do when you are faced with hard things? Well my Mother in Law would say "We can do hard things." And I know I can, I know we can. I watched this post about these (FYI: click on anything blue and it will link you to what I am talking about)Almost super hero GUYS, I am sure that was a hard and amazing thing to do. I love running!! I am out to set some goals and I would love to have help with in running in memory of Aaron. The first is the Thanksgiving Point Half Marathon It is coming soon, but hey I just had a baby and I am doing it, so if you want a challenge walk/run it. Next is of course the Race for the Cure, and March of Dimes and I really have to support Running with Angels, (I will be looking for some 10k's to fill in here) and then I am wanting and wishing, (Mandy & Nataile this is for you) the Saint George Marathon. Who would like to join me?? I need a goal, I need something to look forward too and this is something I love to do, so I will run my way through this really hard time and I am looking for a lot of support. Any supporters?

Ice Skating or Ice Dancing or Maybe just Ice Falling.

2010-03-02T05:33:00.000-08:00

We went to the Utah Olympic Oval Rink with the Jensen Family. We had a lot of fun at one point I had to tell Sam he could not skate by me or I was going to pee my pants. Stockton tried on every kind of skate they offered and gave them a test. Preston on the other hand skated for about 2 1/2 hours and then had a complete melt down followed by an immediate deep sleep in the car, I think he is a little out of shape. I am not sure if I should mention the other Jensen Family experience's but lets just say some of them easily caught on, while others maybe looked more like my family -- but by the end all the boys wanted lesson's from the pretty girl ice skating right in front of us...I think one of my nephew's is no longer a little a boy he definitely noticed the ladies.

In a perfect world.....

2010-02-26T11:27:00.000-08:00

I would be having a baby today. I would be a Mom to 3 beautiful little boys and thanking God for the miracle of life. But instead I am a Mom to 2 beautiful boys and one Angel. I am still thanking my Heavenly Father for the miracle of life and now I thank him more sincerely, with a tug in my heart and a tear in my eye, knowing that it truly is a miracle. So today if you feel like giving give HERE You never know when you might need them. We donated in memory of Aaron and Emily (Sam's Sister) and for Preston, and don't forget to hug your babies a little more today for me in memory of my baby.

Charity, it is the true meaning of being Christ Like

2010-02-22T11:34:00.000-08:00

I hope one day my son's marry girls like: this, or this.

Happy Valentines Day

2010-02-14T15:21:00.000-08:00

Thank you so much for all those who helped us in the 4th Errand for Aaron. We had a package from New Mexico, homemade valentines from some little girls, and almost 1000 piece's of candy to put in the bags for the kids at the Road Home. I wish I could have taken pictures of the children opening them, I hope their faces were as happy as my families as we put them together, or as happy as so many of your faces looked when you handed them to me. I hope that maybe there hearts felt a little like mine felt, so loved. So loved that you would help me complete this project. It was uplifting and it could not have come a better time. Every time I feel the sorrow start to consume me I am lifted by these projects, and by so many who are trying to help us. I could not even begin to explain how hard it is to lose a child, how my heart sometimes feels like the pain is so physical, how lonely you can feel, how the grief just seems to slowly overtake you. I know that these errands are helping me and helping my family heal. And every time we do an errand we have some sort of an adventure.....this time we gave a homeless lady a ride and she made us so happy. Over and over again she just kept saying "Praise the Lord!" You know I second that "Praise the Lord," for his sense of humor and certainly for our Aaron, who I know without a doubt is trying so hard to make sure we are happy.

We lined up all the Valentines in the entry way as people dropped them off.

We made 80 little bags that each said 'Happy Valentines Day'

It took the 5 of us -- Sam, Stockton, Preston, Austin (my nephew) and I, almost 2 hours to sort through the candy and valentines to make it all fair. Maybe Preston was a bit too much help!

We stacked them in a big box and took them to the Road Home. Thank you again everyone, I know they loved it.

Nothing to Say.......

2010-02-12T11:05:00.000-08:00

This post is for you, and you know who you are. I could not let my last post of how God Answer's Prayers set on the right side of your blog knowing that today you might be wondering why it seems he might not have answered yours.

I am heartbroken and so very, very sad for you and your family....and I don't know why things didn't turn out the way you wanted them too, and I am not going to try and make that part better for you, because I might be a little bit upset about it too.

But I do know that my family loves you and your family, and we are here for you with tears, snot and a major broken hearts -- We are here for you. I want you to know that today I cried for you, just like you have cried for me. I love you, and I am praying for you. And please know that a lot of people who read my blog will be praying for you.

In case you forgot.......God does answer prayers.

2010-02-10T07:01:00.000-08:00

Check out the Staker Families Miracle.....Oh yeah and after many prayers we finished Stockton's Science Project!! (And I am not kidding about all the prayers said to get through the Science Project). Life is Good!

Aaron's Errand-- Valentines Day

2010-02-08T12:12:00.000-08:00

How in the world could I let this holiday pass without doing an errand for our Angel? I know that of all the children in the world, my Aaron might just be one of many who is more than loved, but spoken of like he truly is an Angel of God. Wouldn't it be awesome if we could let all the children of the world know that they are loved that much. If you would like to help me make sure a few of God's children know that they are loved and prayed for, the Jensen Family in honor of Aaron will be collecting 80 Valentines with one piece of candy to hand out at The Road Home Shelter. I would love it if I could provide more than just one Valentine for these kids who don't have home..might not have a whole family...who worry about food...who have seen way more than I want to imagine...THAT THEY ARE REMEMBERED, THEY ARE LOVED!
Let me know if you can contribute I need to take them to the Shelter on Saturday the 13th in the morning.

More Prayers Needed

2010-02-06T10:10:00.001-08:00

I know I ask a lot..... but maybe tomorrow when you fast, you can fast for the people in Haiti, the Staker Family, The Tenney Family, The Norton Family, Sweet little Kristen and maybe once again my family? The other families have children all fighting for their lives or grieving, but I just have a $7,000 hospital bill I don't have the strength to fight. I don't want to tell the story one more time of why my son died. I hate reliving it, I hate talking about it to people who just don't really care. I know I can get my insurance to pay it, I just have to round up all the right people, to get all the right documentation to meet the rejection code that is so vague that I think I might just send them a 'you figure it out, that is why I pay you a monthly premium," code. Why is it that this has to be so humanly painful? Why is that people not doing their job, or just not even caring an ounce that I really can't deal with this right now, are making life so hard? I am fasting for courage to go on, and strength to deal with people who don't care. But I am also praying for those people who don't really care, that their heart's that are two sizes too small might grow a little in the next few days. I am also praying and fasting for all those families listed above for strength and courage too.

.......And I know that GOD answer's prayers.

A Month

2010-02-04T07:04:00.000-08:00

Today has been a month. Do I say "Yes, we made it?" like it was some sort of accomplishment. It was a month of peaks and valleys. Really awesome peaks probably some of the most sacred experiences of my life, but some really low valleys the kind that I probably just army crawled across, the kind of crawl that took major effort and unfortunately I had to drag a lot of people with me. Like my oldest son, hang in there Stock....I hear it gets easier, Mom will be back soon.

Aaron's Errands

2010-02-02T12:53:00.000-08:00

A while ago we spoke of Aaron's errands. Our first errand was going to the temple. We had an amazing turn out. Our next errand was something just for me and the boys. We (Sugar Mama's) made cupcakes for Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, the non-profit organization that took almost all of our pictures and made us the sweetest video. They had a meeting that was held at the hospital where we had delivered Aaron and we decided to take cupcakes to the nurses with thank you cards also. We also had a basket of items that people had given us in case Aaron lived. We donated the basket to the hospital in hopes it would go to a family that would be needing such items. Going to the hospital was very hard, a lot of feelings came back and Preston kept asking if today was the day Aaron would come home, he was very confused. It was a very hard day, but once again the sweet ate up all the bitter. To honor the people who gave so much to us and made our experience so wonderful will be a sweet memory for me and the boys.

Just days after having this experience I received two big basket of blankets made on behalf of Aaron to donate to the hospital. Do you know who made this basket? It wasn't a youth group or a family trying to teach their kids a lesson on service, It was a bunch of Mortgage Bankers. Yes that is right! a bunch of employees at the Bank of Utah -- men and women, sat around tying blankets in memory of our baby! Then they quietly passed them on to us to donate to the hospital, no fan fair, no big presentation of service, they just did it ever so quietly.

I am so thankful once again for the outpouring we have received. I think of the acts of kindness so many of you have done and I feel so loved. I will never look at a hand written note the same, I am encouraged by so many who pat me on the back or give a look of love with gracious words of encouragement. Now don't get me wrong their are a few comments that I could go with out hearing, but I know it is not meant to hurt us.

Service has helped us see through the grief, putting others before us has become something that has made us feel a little better. Sam has been asking the boys at dinner "What did you do today to help someone?" The responses have been funny and tender, but we all know we have to have something to tell Dad at dinner.

Thanks again to all who are helping us keep Aaron's memory alive. Even though he only lived minutes I know that his legacy will touch many, and to a Mom who is so heartbroken it means more than you will ever know.

January 3 -5th 2010

2010-01-26T11:42:00.000-08:00

I have wanted to post about our experience of having Aaron for sometime, although every time I thought about doing it, it seemed to hard. As I laid in bed last night, I knew it was time I needed to write about it so I wouldn't forget anything.

Sunday January 3, 2010

We went to church and I bore my testimony of the goodness of God in my life. I wanted my boys to know that even though we were having the worst of times, that we were also experiencing the best of times. I spoke of how Heavenly Father had been so close to us and had surrounded us with a Spirit of Comfort like nothing I had ever felt before.

We ate dinner with Sam's family and left with a lot of tears and hugs from everyone, letting us know they were there for us.

We went to my parents (who live right next door to Sam's parents house). We sat around and watched the little kids for awhile and then we noticed the clock said 7. I asked for a blessing, we said our goodbyes, and everyone of my little nieces and nephews hugged me and loved me. NEVER EVER have I been taken care of by so many children. All of my nieces and nephews over the following days cried with me, hugged me, and missed Aaron. Can I tell you how much I love all of my nieces and nephews, I JUST LOVE THEM!!

We drove to the hospital in silence. The silence broke as we entered the parking lot and I just looked and Sam and cried and said "I don't want to do this, I just want to runaway". I had so much fear weighing on me. I knew that as I entered the hospital Aaron was alive, I thought this would be the worst experience in my life. I did not know that having this experience would be the most amazing, peaceful,loving moment I would ever in my life experience. IF you for some reason are reading this and thinking for one small moment you might end your babies life, please read on, please go on, you can do this. The ending of what might happen although so heartbreaking will be the most amazing experience. The burden and guilt of ending a life to soon has to be more heartbreaking.

Sam and I went to the 3rd floor, to Labor and Delivery. We went to the desk and I looked at Sam and just started crying harder. I moved to the corner of the hall and just cried and cried. Sam checked us in, the nurse just loved me. She knew why we were coming, she knew what we were facing, and had volunteered to be with us through this trying moment. The long process of getting Aaron here was beginning and every person who entered into that room never left with a dry eye.

January 4, 2010
Early in the morning my wonderful Doctor came in and told me his plan for the day. He was doing delivery's at two different hospitals, but only a few miles away. I was the only one at this hospital today, so he would be spending most of his time at the other hospital. I was fine with that, I knew I was in good hands and I knew this would be a slow process. He said he would be back at noon to break my water. The day moved along. I got my epidural from the nicest man. He spent a good hour with us talking to us about Aaron and wanting to hear more about our baby, about us, and what we were going through. He left us with some encouraging words, and his head held down as he left the room.

Noon came and went no Doctor. Around 5 o'clock the Doctor showed up to finally break my water. Can I tell you it was a flood! The Nurse and Doctor commented on how they had never seen so much water, they even made a little dam on the floor to catch it all. The Doctor said he thought I would really move along and he would be back at 7 to check on me.

After that it was down hill. I wasn't dilating, I wasn't doing anything. I had my cervix softened, I had the pitocin cranked up to have as much as I possible could have, and my water had been broke and now nothing. I felt in my stomach like what have I done, it just wasn't time to have him. My nurse came in and said "I think we will be doing a c-section, you just aren't doing much". I remember being upset so many different emotion's entered my mind. I just wanted Aaron alive and I was thinking I am running out of time.

During this time my Father in law was getting dialysis. He has cancer and his kidney's are not working. He could not come to the hospital until after dialysis and only then if he felt up to it

They took me off pitocin. We called our Mom's and told them we will be doing a c-section but there is no Doctor here, we will call you as soon as we know what is happening. And within the hour, my body went completely the other direction and around 9 o'clock we were ready to have Aaron. One small problem. There was no Doctor to deliver him. The anesthesiologist came back and gave me a sitting dose of an epidural. I was so numb I could not move anything from my hips down not even a little bit. Aaron was crowning and we had no Doctor so they were trying to keep me from pushing. For the next hour or so I became sick. I started throwing up and with every push from my stomach Aaron's heart beat would go all the way down to the 40's a good heart beat for a baby is in the 150's so I knew this was not good. We called our parents to let them know they needed to come. They all showed up, even Sam's Dad straight from dialysis. Aaron was just waiting for Grandpa to get there.

I was sound asleep, drugged out of my mind and at 10:25 my Doctor showed up, he had to wake me up to push. I pushed twice and Aaron came, alive, and so beautiful. Sam said he looked at Aaron and thought he is fine, you are all wrong he is healthy and fine. But the more he looked at him he saw his small arms, the big abdomen and tiny chest. And then he said his heart broke, he could see that Aaron was different. I knew at that moment that God does hear our prayers! Aaron was moving, he was letting us know he was alive. He never cried, but he pierced his lips together, he opened his eyes for a moment, and then they laid him on me. I loved him so much! I felt this overwhelming joy and happiness as if he was trying with everything in him to let me know that he loved me. Sam rushed to get the boys and our parents. We quickly gave him a name and blessing. We read him a story, 'Goodnight Moon', one of Preston's favorites. We noticed he had Stockton's chin, Preston's hair, Sam's big toe. Still alive we passed him around for the boys to hold. Every now and then Melanie our nurse would come and check his umbilical cord for his heart beat and nod to Sam yes or no. Finally her nod was no. Our sweet Aaron weighing in at 4lbs 5 oz, 13 inches long, with amazing red hair, chubby little cheeks, passed away in his big brother Preston's arms. The feeling of heaven never left the room. I did not want to leave that room, it was so peaceful, in that moment I knew that everything was how it was to be. I felt my Heavenly Father, I felt the Savior, I knew more than anything in the whole world I wanted a eternal family, that this very moment my life was going to change forever. I knew that the spirit world was very close, and in my mind I thought of all our family who had passed before Aaron, yelling "Come on Aaron, Come on. You are going to love this place, we have been waiting for you come on, hurry". I knew what was happening, I knew there were Angels in our presence, because for those few hours I wanted to go home too. I know that the place where we will all go after this life is the most happiest, loving place, and if you could feel how we all felt in this room you would want to go there too.

January 5, 2010
Early in the morning around 4 am they moved us like a thief in the night to a different floor. I didn't want to be on the maternity floor anymore. Aaron, Sam and I were tucked into a different part of the hospital and spent the rest of our night exhausted.

AND then the sadness hit! Like a bunch of bricks dumped on my shoulders. I had to hand my baby to the funeral director, I had to leave the hospital with no baby, I now have a empty crib, and I have cried more than I ever cried in my life. BUT not for one second do I ever regret carrying Aaron. Not for one moment do I think that ending his life in October would have been easier. I knew I would not have a baby to bring home, I knew what was happening. I did not know that it would be this hard. I did not realize that unlike a death of a grandparent or a sibling -- all of which I have been apart of, that I would actually have physical pain from the death of my own child. My heart actually hurts, I have physical pain, emotional pain, but then I also have the most amazing feeling of joy and love. The feelings of joy and love are nothing like I have ever felt before, this is Aaron. He brings me this feeling and I have this feeling from having him, from trying my very best to provide him a vessel to reach his highest potential, and I believe that was to receive a body. Even if you don't share the same beliefs that I do, holding him when he was alive and even when he wasn't, was way better than not holding him at all.

To any Mother out there who circumstances might be the same or be different, know you are not alone. God is here and he will be with you, you just have to ask. And you have to know that I would be here for you, and there is a community of women who have been in your shoes and they would help you too.

2010-01-25T06:56:00.000-08:00

This post comes from Pics and Kicks
Natalie Lost her baby Gavin around the sametime we lost Aaron, I thought her post was well put.

24 January, 2010
Oh the Places You'll Go.

Since "Tami from Montana"
got me thinking about Dr Seuss,
I just thought y'all should know that THIS one
is my favorite book by the Doc.

If you're following me on twitter
(if not, you can find me here)
you saw the awesome Seuss quote Tami sent:

"Don't cry because it's over,
smile because it happened."

I.love.it.

Now I just need to convince my heart. . .

_____________________________________________

Here are some lovely thoughts from the Doc:
(He brought his A game for this one,
read the full text here)

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true
that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose?
How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…
or right-and-three-quarters?
Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

. . . .

On you will go though the weather be foul.
On you will go though your enemies prowl.
On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike.
And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.
. . . .

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Daily 3

2010-01-21T18:39:00.000-08:00

1-M&M's...on sale at Costco less then 7$ for a big bag. I think Chocolate is medicine, but FYI you can't put it on your flex spending card.
2-My nephew told me I should really try riding the yellow school bus, "Because Aunt Brandi it is way cool inside". He made me laugh.
3-My sister in-law who is 7 months pregnant, is doing great after a terrible car accident.
***I will add a 4Th for the first time ever my spell check said no miss spellings!

Here is Sam's list
1-He ran 2 and half miles today.(training for the SLC half marathon)
2-His sister is doing good! He is so happy she will be fine.
3-Someone at work had a hydraulic bath....funny when it happens to someone else, sucks when it happens to you.

Visited by Angels

2010-01-20T11:56:00.000-08:00

Last night we were visited by Angels. The ladies from Angel Watch (Angel Watch is a non-profit group. They take care of families that suffer infant loss.) came to see us. Someone left us a meal. I got the video of the funeral from Jennifer Holt,my wonderful photographer/videographer. The Lady from SHARE let me know that Aaron's hand and foot molds are done. My sweet neighbors who I don't even know brought me a necklace with the sweetest picture of angel wings. All of you are angels, I bet none of you knew that yesterday was a hard day for me. I missed Aaron so much! I have a physical craving for him, I wake up and I hope this is just a nightmare, and that this heaviness of mourning and grieving will be gone. Your mind does strange things to you when you think to hard on the complexities of life, you stat to question so much. I told my dear friends at Angel Watch all of my feelings and they cried with me, they laughed with me, and when they left, I felt like I can do this, I will be okay.

I know my Heavenly Father is with me and I know Aaron is very close and all these Angels in my life are sent from God "To bear one another's burdens, To be willing to mourn with those that mourn, To comfort those who stand in need of comfort, To stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places even until death". - LDS Baptismal Covenants

My Angels Watch Ladies asked me to write down 3 good things that have happened to me everyday so here are my 3 things:

1- My mail box had 6 letters or cards in it, all comforting my family. Thank you!
2- I had a phone call from a complete stranger, who out of the kindness of her heart shared her story with me, and gave me hope. She then told me I as grieving not depressed, and then agreed to be my depression sponsor. In other words she is going to let me know when I am depressed and not grieving any more :)
3- I did see the sun today and clouds I am sure that were from Heaven.

Thank You

2010-01-18T08:29:00.000-08:00

We had our Temple Day. For anyone reading this who isn't Mormon and would like to know a little about what in the world I am talking about go here. For those of you who attended with us thank you so much! Overwhelming, heartbreaking support from so many who love us, who love our Aaron, and know that Families are Forever. The Temple was full, two session it took to get all of our friends and family through. Not to mention the numerous people who called or let us know they would be attending a different Temple, I can not express how much it means to Sam and I.

For anyone who has thought of us, prayed for us, or done anything for us we thank you from the bottom of hearts.

I can not imagine going through this without such amazing people surrounding us, or without the Lord and without the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ that will give us Eternal Life.

Again, thank you all for your support. When I think of Aaron's day in the temple I will always remember I was surrounded by the Lord, the Savior, Angels, Family, Friends, and my son - Aaron.

Therapy

2010-01-15T08:09:00.000-08:00

I think I will just blog my way through therapy, for me it helps to write and look back and maybe if you all (my Mom) know how I am doing then it will make things easier for all of us.

I have survived almost 11 days without Aaron. I don't know if survive is the best word, maybe I have just muddled through the last 11 days. I feel for every new Mom who has to go through this. My body says I had a baby, my hormone level is certainly at new Mom level. But, I have no baby just an Angel who is consistently by my side. I must say we are so heartbroken, we cry everyday! Not a conversation is spoke without Aaron mentioned. Preston and I went into Aaron's room to pick up everything that has just been thrown in there and Preston asked "When is Aaron coming home Mom?" A very long pause and I just looked at him and said "His not Prest, He went to live with Heavenly Father." He just looked at me and said "But, why did Aaron want to live with Heavenly Father and not us?" I hate these moments of trying to comfort, when I feel like I am barely functioning. So, we just looked into the crib for a long time and talked about how much Heavenly Father needed Aaron. Preston helped me organize all the cards, and letters from everyone. We looked at all the people who came to the funeral. We laughed at the outfit that the funeral home brought Aaron back to us in. A tie-dyed onesie... It is a little my fault after being awake and drugged for almost two days when the funeral director came to take Aaron from us at the Hospital I just cried, I held him, and kissed him goodbye....and gave Aaron to the man naked. Yep, I handed my angel to the funeral director naked. I wanted everything Aaron touched and I wasn't sure they were going to give it back to me, so he went naked. That is what grief, lack of sleep and not sure how to handle all of this will do to you. So Aaron our Angel came back to us beautiful, and in a tie-dyed onesie. Sam went in the room first and he was in there forever! He took the onesie off and placed a blanket on him. He didn't want to upset me, so he took the onesie and hid it behind the couch in the funeral home. BUT, that is the first thing the boys noticed when they came in the room. Preston holds it up and says "Hey, look what I found." Sam just started laughing. I think my Aaron has a sense of humor! We have had some good laughs over the tie-dyed onesie.

A Day to Remember Him

2010-01-13T12:51:00.000-08:00

We are inviting all who have wanted to do something for us to join us this Saturday and go to the Temple, we will be at the Mount Timpanogos Temple for the 11:00 Session. This is to celebrate Aaron's life and Eternal Families. We hope the temple will be full! This is the first of Aaron's Errands.

Aaron's Video

2010-01-10T18:29:00.000-08:00

Aaron's Obituary

2010-01-07T14:38:00.000-08:00

Aaron Samuel Jensen, born January 4, 2010, died January 4, 2010 and was reunited with so many family members who preceded him in death and rejoiced in him coming home. As a bright and noble spirit of God, he spent one whole hour in the arms of his family, surrounded by Angels eager for him to join them in the Lords work. Aaron entered this world touching lives of many who heard of his battle to obtain a body. His time on earth was short, but he was a living testament of Eternal Families, that God does live, and miracles do still happen. He leaves behind his Father and Mother Samuel and Brandi Jensen, two big brothers who will deeply miss him Stockton and Preston Jensen, numerous Great Grandparents, Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles and cousins.
Aaron will be remembered on Saturday January 9, 2010 with a viewing from 12:30-1:30p.m., a funeral service at 2:00p.m., and a graveside service immediately following after. All services will be held at Larkin Sunset Gardens 1950 E 10600 S Sandy Ut. The family would like to thank the Doctors, Angel Watch, and the many Nurses who helped bring Aaron into this world alive; we truly are so grateful for you all. Condolences at www.larkincares.com

TENDER MOMENTS!!

2010-01-06T09:41:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to update for Brandi with some more pictures. The veil was so thin and you could truly see that heaven had open the door for just a moment. Both of the boys got to hold and kiss him. They were able to read him a story and tell them that they loved him. Then they lovingly kissed him one more time and let him go back home with a loving Heavenly Father. These are truly some of the most priceless pictures I have ever seen. Thank you Brandi and Sam for letting me have the opportunity to share and update your blog. I love the both of you and I love ALL of the boys with all of my heart.
They are home and doing as good as can be. The funeral services will be held on Sat. I will update with more info. a little later.
Love, jody

AARON SAMUEL JENSEN

2010-01-05T20:08:00.001-08:00

Brandi has asked me to update with of few pictures of Aaron. Here is just a couple of our little angel.

A LITTLE GLIMPSE OF HEAVEN!

2010-01-05T20:06:00.001-08:00

AARON JENSEN

2010-01-04T22:50:00.000-08:00

It breaks my heart to update with this news. My sweet little nephew Aaron Jensen was Born on Jan. 4, 2010 @ 10:35 and passed away @ 11:36p.m. My heart is so full of gratitude for this sweet little boy who was able to spend just an hour here on earth. We know that he was perfect to perfect to stay here on earth. Brandi has been incredibly strong. I am so grateful for her and her testimony of the gospel I know that our Father in Heaven is mindful of her and her family. We without a doubt know that we will have the opportunity to see him again. Families Are together forever through time and all Eternity. Please pray for The Jensen Family as the week goes on. Thank you again to each and every one of you for your thoughts and prayers.
I will keep all of you updated.
Love,
Jody (Brandi's little sister)

UPDATE!

2010-01-04T19:40:00.000-08:00

Just another quick update. Brandi's Labor is moving very slow. Brandi and baby Aaron are doing really good. I just spoke with Sam and everyone is hanging in there. I cannot express enough how grateful we are for the phone calls, emails, and endless prayers. I will keep updating through out the night or into the early morning. Thank you again for all of the love we have felt.

QUICK UPDATE!!

2010-01-04T10:45:00.001-08:00

Just a little update! Brandi went into the hospital last night and they ran test to ensure that everything was good to go. However, they just started the induction. Hopefully, she will not be in labor for to long. We are still praying that this little angel will get just a few hours to spend with his family. Thank you again for all of the love and support you have shown my sister and her family. We can feel the love and prayers. Thanks again to all of you!!

PRAY FOR BABY AARON!!

2010-01-02T20:58:00.000-08:00

This is Brandi's little sister Jody. I will be updating the blog for Brandi for the next week or so. Brandi will be induced tomorrow night and will hopefully be able to deliver the baby sometime on Monday. I just wanted to let everyone know how much we appreciate all of the sweet comments and prayers that have been in behalf of Brandi and her sweet little family. Again,I just want to ask you to keep them in your prayers. We pray that she will have some time to spend with Aaron.I will keep all of you updated.

Despair

2009-12-29T22:30:00.000-08:00

Life isn't always easy. At some point in our journey we may feel much as the pioneers did as they crossed Iowa--up to our knees in mud, forced to bury some of our dreams along the way. We all face rocky ridges, with the wind in our face and winter coming on too soon. Sometimes it seems as though there is no end to the dust that stings our eyes and clouds our vision. Sharp edges of despair and discouragement jut out of the terrain to slow our passage. Always, there is a Devil's Gate, which will swing wide open to lure us in. Those who are wise and faithful will steer a course as far from such temptation as possible, while others--sometimes those who are nearest and dearest to us--succumb to the attraction of ease, comfort, convenience, and rest. Occasionally we reach the top of one summit in life, as the pioneers did, only to see more mountain peaks ahead, higher and more challenging than the one we have just traversed. Tapping unseen reservoirs of faith and endurance, we, as did our forebears, inch ever forward toward that day when our voices can join with those of all pioneers who have endured in faith, singing: "All is well! All is well!" (Hymns, no. 30).—Elder M. Russell Ballard, General Conference, April 1997

We had our appointment at the U today. I hate that place, it is always bad news. We have spent so much time there we have nicknamed the people we deal with like the Grim Reaper. We know if you are asked to go in the purple room you are soon greeted by the Grim Reaper, we have watched countless families go in and come out with their world torn apart. To bad the Grim Reaper is this tall, skinny, bushy haired kid who looks like he just graduated high school. People never know that this kid is the Reaper in disguise. We met with the ultrasound tech that Sam usually calls Mutes because they won't tell you anything. But today we had a talker and I loved her! She explained so many things to me that she probably shouldn't have, but it was nice to feel like there wasn't a awful secret to hide from us. She showed us all the fluid I have, and explained how they measure it and that she measures everything three times and then gets an estimate. My fluid was 35, normal is in the 20-23 range, I am carrying a fish bowl. Aaron's head is the size of a full term baby and his limbs are the size of a 17 week old baby. Aaron has hair and eyelashes, he moves like a fish and then we were told he now has hydrocephalus, and that is when I thought "Come ON! Cut me a break here, why can't anything be going right?" I felt despair. Then we were asked to wait until the Doctor could come back, she had to go and deliver a baby. And so we waited for 2 and half hours to hear the news that the day has arrived and sometime in the next week we need to deliver. I hate today! Did I mention that it is our anniversary, that we had plans to go out to dinner and do something fun? But instead Sam insisted on going to the funeral home to look at baby casket's. I felt more than alone, I felt hollow, and empty and I wanted to just cry to the Lord "PLEASE, JUST HAVE MY WATER BREAK RIGHT NOW, AND END THIS RIGHT NOW!" I am not sure why or what the lesson is, for me to have to schedule the day to end my son's life, but this is despair. I wonder how will I ever be happy again? When will this emptiness leave me? Everything I feared is happening, I will have to be induced, I will have to bury my baby in the cold heartless month of January, and I will have to do this with the awful feeling of despair. I didn't want this experience to be cold and bitter, I wanted to end it on a spiritual high. SO I will turn to my Heavenly Father for the next few days, asking him for strength to help me get through this. Reminding myself of the little miracles we have been blessed to be witness too, looking upward instead of downward... and reminding myself to never ever say the words "It can't get worse, than what it is right now."

I think I will turn my blog over to my little sister for the next little while and she can keep those who want to know what is going on up to date. I am not sure what the rest of the week will be like, we meet with the OB in the morning to schedule our induction. Thanks again to all who have prayed for us, we have felt your prayers..although my post today might seem like I haven't, I have. I know my boys have felt them too.

Happy Birthday Preston and Thank you Santa!

2009-12-22T15:11:00.000-08:00

Today my little boy is 5! How can this be? We had a party at our house with both sides of the family and all the nieces and nephews. Preston loved it! He got the best presents too! Thanks to everyone who helped make it such a wonderful party!

This is the alligator that Sam kept telling all the kids we keep in the basement.

The yummy cake from Grandma Sugar Mama (Grandma Shirley)

On Monday Santa just happened to be in the neighborhood and dropped in to see us, My family loved it! Thank you Santa!

Making Friends

2009-12-21T06:58:00.000-08:00

Sam and I have been making the last touches on making sure everything is in place for when our baby arrives. We have been making friends everywhere we go, and everyone who hears of Aaron's story is touched. It has been a long 9 weeks and we finally got his burial outfit, which I wanted to thank the kind and generous ladies at Little Thing Mean A Lot for helping me. I think the two hardest things I have ever done is picking out the burial outfit and going to the fabric store to pick out material for his burial blanket. At Little Things Means Alot, Preston and I just locked ourselves in a dressing room for a moment, but the ladies shortly caught on and helped me find something. They have an absolute no return policy but they loaded me up and said whatever I didn't need I could bring back. Thank you so much for helping me.

The fabric store was just as awful. My Mom wanted to do the blanket so we went to a fabric store that had so many baby prints, the store was overwhelming full of pregnant women and laughing just a joyful place, but not for me. Both my Mom and I agreed that this was just to hard for me to do. My Mom who I think is having just as hard of time as we are, found some ladies in her ward to help us out. Thank you to Nancy Landvatter and Trudy Neilson for helping us, they quilted and did the binding around the quilt. Thank you for giving yourself to us during such a busy time of year and doing it out of the kindness of your heart.

I wanted a blanket that we could keep and tuck away but I wanted the quilt to be his burial blanket, I just kept thinking that I know I would want something that he touched as a memory, but I could not find anything that I really loved. Then last night I received a letter explaining that this blanket was from Bethlehem the birthplace of the Savior and that she was giving it to us for Aaron who also is a special spirit who just needs a body, from Debbie Fetzer. I don't even know Debbie, she works at the University Institute with my Mother In Law and gave us this.

I also wanted to thank the kind and generous people at Sernicare they are helping us with the burial and casket and pretty much it will not cost us a thing, which is just a big blessing. I can't forget to thank my in laws for giving us a place to bury him, He will be buried with Sam's little sister who passed away in 1999 from cancer. I can't imagine a better place to put him then along side his beautiful Aunt Emily, who always wanted the niece's and nephews to remember her. Now she will have one right along side her to give her a break from all this guardian angel work she has been doing. Although Sam seems to think that Aaron will be Preston's personal guardian Angel and Preston keeps telling us that Aaron is his conscience (obviously he watches Pinocchio a lot).

I am sharing all of this, because all of these acts of kindness are answered prayers. I wasn't sure how I would be able to do all of this and I knew I wanted to do this all for Aaron. I have spent endless hours with Stockton on home work with a lot of tears shed. I have spent endless nights with Preston while getting his epilepsy under control, again tears shed. I knew that I could do these few hard things for Aaron shedding tears and falling in love with him more. I love my boys so much! This experience has helped me be a better Mom and to love my boys more, because I now really, really know what it means when they say tomorrow this could all be over. Now don't get me wrong I do still want to pull my hair out, and say "I can't wait until your dad is home", but I am enjoying the good moments a lot more, and trying to patiently enjoy the bad ones.

Music and the Spoken Word

2009-12-15T07:22:00.001-08:00

My dear friend Anneka invited me to go with her to Music and the Spoken Word. It was also a mini concert with Miss Natalie Cole and David McCullough afterwards. It was amazing! I loved every minute of it and so did Aaron, he moved throughout the whole program. Sam and Stockton were able to attend also, Grandma Vickie gave them tickets. Stockton thought it was amazing.

We saw The Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson. As he entered the room, the room became silent and people rose to their feet. I cried, I thought I wonder if I have enough faith that if I were to ask him to heal Aaron, that Aaron would be healed. For those reading this and who are not Mormon, we believe that Prophets and Apostles live and provide us with modern day revelation. We believe that our President of the Church is a Prophet of God and holds the same Presthood keys as the Savior Jesus Christ. It may be a lot to swallow for you if you have never heard this before, but I was in the same room as President Monson our Prophet and I am a witness that he is a disciple of Jesus Christ. I believe that He does have the power to heal, bless, and receive revelation, IF it is God's will.

I honestly thought to myself what would Security do if a big pregnant woman were to charge the prophet?... But, I thought for sometime about how I already knew that Aaron's situation is God's will. I will always remember when Sam said it first in a pray 'If it be your will Heavenly Father, Please let Aaron be healed' I wanted to hit Sam when he said that! But I know we needed to let the Lord know that we weren't giving up faith or hope we were just putting it in his hands. We went to the U of U shortly after and they confirmed his diagnosis of TD and honestly we had to offer more support to the Medical team then they did to us, because the Lord had prepared us for the news, we knew that it was the Lord's will.

The rest of the concert I sat watching Miss Natalie Cole, sing of the Savior. I needed to be reminded about this time of year. To celebrate the Birth of The Savior who died for me and you, and because of his atoning sacrifice I will see my baby again! This was just what Sam and I needed to be lifted, to be edified by song and messages of the season and about the Savior.

It seems like in some ways this is getting so hard, the decision to have Aaron unless my water breaks will be mine. And how? How in the world do I make the decision to try and have him at the right time so I can end his life? It just is something that is weighing so heavily on me right now. I just keep praying that when the time is right my body will do what it is suppose to for once, and that I won't have to make this decision. Just so you know I have never gone into labor by myself, I have always had to have medicine step in and help me. Even while carrying an almost 10lbs baby, my body just kept going and I had Stockton several weeks after his due date. The doctor's just keep telling me they will help me as best as they can in trying to watch everything. We will see what they say tomorrow. Yet again another appointment to the OBGYN where I get to watch all the pregnant women come and go and hear them talk about how miserable they are, or how they are so scared to have twins and now they have to quit thier jobs,(I am sure they are justified in all comments...I just don't want to hear it right now.) I absolutely hate the OBGYN right now. So pray for us! Pray I won't go Postal at the OBGYN tomorrow :).

Another Memory

2009-12-12T07:52:00.000-08:00

My brother asked me to watch his kids, so I turned it into a party. It has been so cold and the things we are wanting to do are outside, seriously who wants to hang out in negative degree weather. We decided to make a memory with the nieces and nephews and make gingerbread houses. We have kids ranging in ages of 10 to 3, they lasted about an hour, and they were so good to help each other it was a hit! Thanks Jody and Mom for helping me pull this together so fast.

Preston and I- We had some building issues.... but no big deal to Preston he decided that he was just going to smother it in candy.

See it looks so good now.

This is Gavin- he lasted the longest on decorating. He has a little competitive side he wanted to be the last one done.

This is Stockton who insisted on helping Cameron. (I love my Stockton)

This is the girls Ady and Mckenzie- Mckenzie ate almost all of Ady's candy....Ady was very nice about it and just laughed.

This is Braiden- He looks like he is asleep but his not, he is just more meticulous when it came to building his house.

This is all of us and our houses, thanks for the great night and wonderful memory! And look Mom one picture with all of your grandchildren and of course your favorite child!

Some Good News, Some Not So Good News.

2009-12-09T07:46:00.000-08:00

This is Aaron! He looks amazing. Our bad news is that it will be a miracle if I go another 4 weeks, his head and fluid are just growing so fast. The news was followed by good news, we had a couple of Doctors helping us and one Doctor wasn't sure if Aaron had TD1 or TD2, but the other was positive that he had TD1. The difference is a clover leaf marking on the head and very soft bones. Aaron most certainly has TD1 and his ultrasound yesterday confirmed that there is no clover leaf marking. Which really, none of this makes any difference the outcome is the same, but for my little boys it is an answer to many nights of me making deals with my Heavenly Father. I prayed so hard that Aaron would look well enough that I could show him to his brothers, I did not want the image of Aaron to be one that would hurt them in anyway, and I did not want to have to tell them they could not see him. So it looks like I have a lot of living up to do on my end, to make things right with God.

One night after a very bad Doctor's appointment when a lot of things looked so grim, I asked the Lord "What would the lesson be for me to not see Aaron alive?" I need the proof that Aaron was alive so that the world would recognize that he was alive, that he did get a body, that he is apart of our family, that truly he did exist. I laid in bed for hours pleading with the Lord that I needed to see Aaron alive and then a thought came to me it was a thought of a voice that I knew, and it said "Mom, I will always be with you." I knew that voice, I knew it was Aaron's. I only share this very personal experience with everyone because I feel the need to show that Heavenly Father is here. He knows how sad we are, he continually sends the spirit to comfort us and lift us. At anytime that I have had questions they have shortly after been answered by doctors, by friends, or at church. I usually don't have to ask the questions either they are just randomly answered and I know that the Lord is with us.
I know that most of you won't ever meet our son, but maybe by reading this experience you will see how he lit our family on fire to live the Gospel, to share the Gospel and to have pure testimonies that Families Are Forever, that God hears and answers prayers, He mourns with us and he will even carry us. Aaron will not be forgotten he will live on with Sam and I and his brothers into the eternities.

May your holiday be as filled with the spirit as ours has been. Love the Jensen's and mostly Aaron.

When I look down.

2009-12-07T13:33:00.001-08:00

When I look down I see this. There are days when I am excited at the thought of having my body back, to be able to breath, bend over, put my shoes on without having to make some sort of noise. But most of the days when I look down I just want to cry, I know that it is almost over.

My belly is so big that the boys have started to say "Mom, I will get that" when it requires me to bend or reach, or if they bump me they say "Sorry, Aaron."

My belly is so big that I am almost to the point that Preston can not sit on my lap. But I don't want to tell him to get off because I know it may be one of the last times that I will hold my two little boys at the same time. (If I thought it was at all possible I would hold Stockton too, but I know that isn't happening)

My belly is so big that tomorrow when I go to the Doctor's, I know it will not be good news. I know how much I have grown in just a few short weeks. I hate that I have to go to the Doctor's so they can point out what I already know. I am just praying I have ate myself fat and that it is not more bad news.

Help us Help Her!

2009-11-30T14:00:00.000-08:00

One day I received a phone call from my dear friend Laurie. She and I have been friends since high school. She is a mother of a set of twins who spent sometime in the NICU. She was telling me the one thing she learned from the NICU is 'there is always someone who has it worse off then you'. Again yesterday in Sacrament this motto was repeated. I admit I feel like how can life be any worse than what I am facing, but then I stumble across the many comments and emails I have received, and I am truly humbled and grateful to my Heavenly Father that I only have my small trial compared to so many others. I am amazed at the constant strength of people who surround me and my family. I don't want to be caught up in self pity and we are constantly looking for ways to serve. I have received so many emails and comments, and I read this blog after the Mother of this daughter left me a little note of some must needed advice.
Her Name is Kristen, you can follow her blog HERE I am not sure how she heard of me, But if you would?.... Please help my family and send something to this courageous young woman and her family. Her request on her blog is: "She loves to open letters and cards. If you have a minute and would like to cheer up a little girl please send her a card or a note to":

Kristen Kirton
P.O. Box 87
Draper, Ut 84020-0087

What a great small and wonderful request to do this holiday season.

Thanks again to everyone for the many prayers that are being said in our behalf, we are so grateful for them. I can not imagine facing this without the love and support of so many!

Also don't forget that the Festival of Trees is starting this week, and if you haven't ever had to use the facilites at Primary Children's then you are so lucky, and if you have had to use them then you are so blessed! Help them out and go look at the trees.

Polar Express

2009-11-26T14:31:00.000-08:00

We loaded up the boys and off we went to Heber, to ride the Polar Express. It was a great memory to make and the boys loved it.

We saw Mrs. Claus, we had hot chocolate and cookies, we read the Polar Express and sang carol's.

We met the Elves.

Preston asking me "Mom, am I on the good list or the bad list?" I am still thinking about that one.

What a great memory. We love you Aaron.

Loving Our Baby to Live

2009-11-24T12:23:00.000-08:00

Sam and I watched Little People Big World on Sunday. We laid in bed wishing their life would be our outcome. To have a happy baby boy grow with struggles but to share a life of memories with him. We were only holding out for hope, we hadn't received the news of the amniocentesis so we were hanging on to a thought, to a possibility that 4 Doctors could have misdiagnosed us...IT COULD HAPPEN!

While we were waiting for our amnio to come back over the past few weeks we have also been meeting with Angel Watch. A network of two women who help families in our situation. They are our angels sent from God. They have been helping us make the very most of this situation and helping us with our boys. They tell us of things other families have done to help them grieve and remember their baby. I think that this may be the hardest part for a Mom, you spend 9 months with just you and the baby; you know when they are awake, or sleeping, hiccuping, it is just Mom and baby. I will remember these moments with Aaron but maybe the rest of my family won't. We decided to take on the MOTTO 'Loving Our Baby to Live'. We are just going to love and experience life with him right now. We are taking a lot of pictures and looking for things to do this Christmas to spend our only Christmas as a whole family. We are making memories that will last the rest of the family a lifetime.

And in the few days of making this new look on life, we got the results from the amniocentesis and they confirm that our baby does have Thanatophoric Dysplasia. I am not sure why but to have this confirmation was like a death sentence to me. Even though I already knew in my heart that the Doctors were right, but to hear the results were harder then the first diagnosis.

Everyone keeps asking me what they can do to help, well I am asking everyone to just pray that our baby will just get one hour with us. Pray that he will make it inside of me until he is far enough along that we can bring him into this world and spend one hour as a whole family. That's our only wish is lots of prayers and maybe just one hour with him.

In the meantime we will be loving and making the most of this holiday season. If you have any fun ideas of things we could do send them our way.

Thank You!

2009-11-17T18:03:00.000-08:00

Thank you so much for your generosity in helping me make something special for my boys! If anyone is looking for a unique Christmas Gift, you should check out Silverlime They made a precious gift for me to give my boys and I would in return love to send them some business.

Holland

2009-11-16T08:51:00.001-08:00

When Aaron was first diagnosed with TD my Mother in Law shared a story with me and then this morning I read it on another blog of a family in South Jordan that went through the same thing we are going through. I thought this is exactly how I feel! I wanted to write it down so that maybe when others who find that their babies have a diagnosis that will be life changing they might look at the diagnosis a different way.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
By Emily Perl Kingsley, 1987. All rights reserved.

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around ... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills ... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy ... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away ... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But ... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

This trial has given us a lot of very special moments as a family, I know we would not be experiencing them if we had kept our original destination. The sweet compassion my children are learning for those children with special needs of any kind; all steams from knowing their brother who may not look like other babies do is still a son of God - and we know as a family he is a bright and noble spirit, sent from God. For that lesson alone we gladly hand our tickets to Italy over and change them for tickets to Holland.

November 3, 2009

2009-11-12T07:25:00.000-08:00

Today we had the appointment at the U of U. We met with a neonatologist that specializes in skeletal dysplasia's. We spent over an hour just looking at the baby, I knew it was not going well when I pointed out that he had not grown much since our 20 week appointment. You can read the estimated due date in the lower right hand corner, the tech quickly turned it off so I could not see anything but the baby. I knew at that moment that it was God's will, and I sat the rest of the appointment wishing I didn't have to hear the news. We sat in a small room waiting for the neonatologist and then she came in and told us she was positive it was Thanatophoric Dysplasia and wanted to do the amnio today. She said that even if the diagnosis was wrong, the baby showed so many signs of a serious skeletal dysplasia that the outcome would be lethal. I did not want to do the amnio. I figured why would it matter, but with much discussion from our parents they talked me into it. I was very scared to do it, there is a 1 in 500 chance that something can go wrong when you are not that far along. I figured my odds were not in my favor lately so I would probably be that 1. The baby who was so active during the whole appointment, curled right into a little ball and did not move for the entire amnio, but as soon as the neonatologist started to move the needle out, he was all over the place. What a good boy to help his Mom out! Yet again another small witness that God does hear our prayers and will take care of you. And I am so glad I did the amnio, we will just know for certain now what is wrong.

The past week has been just a roller coaster of ups and downs. The funny thing is I still have a tremendous amount of peace and I just keep hearing and thinking the words "Everything is going to be OK". I am not sure what it means, but it brings me a this overwhelming amount of peace. We are just trying to live in this small moment of life, which is very heartbreaking not knowing if today is the day it will all end. Early deliver is almost a certain. It is easy to be with the boys, who bring me so much joy and they have great understanding of what is happening. But outside of the house is much different, I get asked very hard question's by strangers and Preston seems to tell everyone the story of our baby. We have good days and bad days. We do realize that this trial is only but a moment, so we need to live the best we can while he is with us. I would not want our baby to think I only throw up and cry. The next posts will be of happier things, and maybe on the lighter side of life as we try and laugh and be happy during such a sorrowful time. Thank you all for your comments, emails and phone calls. We are so thankful for those who are trying so hard to comfort us, and mourn with us, and we have a big favor to ask everyone in the coming months that we know you will all want to be apart of so stay tuned!

Good News!

2009-11-08T09:17:00.000-08:00

We finally had some happy and good news on Saturday Night, Congrats to Stockton who won his 5th grade Reflections Contest. Great Job Stocky!

November 3, 2009

2009-11-03T18:04:00.000-08:00

Today did not go well....I hope to be able to just wrap my head around all of this and find my footing. I don't want anyone to think that our prayers were not answered because they were, we felt at peace as the Doctors told us what to expect. And we did great, but now it is just getting through the sorrow. Thank you all for your prayers, and please keep us in your prayers as we try and get through the next 13 weeks. Love Sam and Brandi

The Happiest Place on Earth

2009-11-02T12:23:00.000-08:00

We took a trip to Disneyland, courtesy of Sugar Mama (Grandma and Grandpa Nault). The boys had a blast riding the rides, going to the Mickey trick or treat in the street, watching fireworks, and shows. Sam and I struggled, we kept saying to each other how weird it felt to be there in the midst of events that are circulating our lives right now. We did it for the boys, they needed to be happy and have a moment to be kids. It made the week go by faster and now we are patiently waiting for tomorrow. To all of you who prayed and fasted for us and to the numerous email we have recieved, Thank you all so much! We feel your prayers and we know God is with us. We drove home from California constantly talking how we know that whatever happens to our beautiful baby it is the Lords will, and we will be okay. We do have our moments of heartbreak and wondering how is this happening, why after waiting so long for a baby would this be our trial. A lot of crying and a lot of laughs. Sam and I are so thankful to have such wonderful families and friends. We think HOME is the Happiest Place on Earth!

October 26, 2009

2009-10-30T08:49:00.000-07:00

Today is the hardest day yet. Sam and I decided to move forward with making plans for the baby when he arrives. We were blown away at all the decision's we needed to make, I am so glad that we decided to start looking into this now while we have time and we can just enjoy the baby and not worry about wasting the time we get with him trying to make arrangements. It was a very hard day, talking and filling out forms. We are in no way giving up hope. We are praying for a miracle but trying to keep all our bases covered.

In the midst of such a hard day we had miracles too. I do believe that God is here for all of his children. If you are having a hard time just pray. Pray in your heart, pray out loud, pray on your knees. He will answer you. He may not answer you in the way you want but he will comfort you and you will be at peace. God has given me peace at such a dark time, I know he will answer your prayers too.

Last night as we all went to bed at 9:00 we said a family prayer. We were all at peace. As I laid in bed I could feel our baby (who so desperately needs a name) moving and I said "Sam, I think you will be able to feel him." Sam looked surprised and put his hand over my belly and felt him moving, kicking and ALIVE!! It broke Sam's heart but he also felt a little closer to him.

In the morning again our other son with the big brown eyes came to snuggle and he also got to feel the baby move. He was blown away. He said "Oh yeah Mom, watch my stomach can do, but it doesn't have a baby in it." He moved his stomach all over the place and Stockton and I laughed.

These moments were miracles to us. We all got to be apart of feeling his first big movements that were visible to the outside world, and my boys got to see he is ALIVE! These are the miracles we are hanging on to. We are praying for a big miracle maybe one that will happen this next Tuesday, November 3rd. Please keep our baby in your prayers this Fast Sunday.

Lately I Feel Like Charlie Brown

2009-10-28T09:15:00.000-07:00

October 24, 2009

This morning Sam woke up really early to go and get the Swine Flu shot. He arrived at the Sandy Health Clinic to find a line of people that went on forever he said. He didn't get the shot. I laid in bed all by myself for almost an hour knowing my boys were tucked in sleeping so well. Lost in my thoughts I found two great big brown eyes looking at me. "You want to snuggle?" Those were the best words I had heard in days, and from Preston it made it even better. He crawled in bed with me and laid on my chest and said "You have three boys Mom. Stockton, Me and the Baby." I agreed with him. Then he said "Stockton is gorgeous, I am cool, and the baby is beautiful," as he patted my belly. We laughed, he thinks gorgeous and beautiful means your a girl, I thought you are so right..but not about the girl part. And then we watched Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. What a perfect Morning.

We then had a Halloween Party to go to on Sam's side of the family. Oh, I was dreading this. I was not sure that I was even mentally up to this. But we went knowing that Sam's little sister who we love!! Was announcing they were having a baby in April. They had so graciously came to Sam and I the night before and let us know, so we would be able to prepare ourselves. I was very happy for them, It felt so good to have good news. But Saturday as the day went on I just got mad. I was so down and just keep thinking seriously Lord what am I suppose to learn from all of this? Sam has another brother and sister in law that are having a baby on the exact same day we are. Stockton said it best when he said "it just felt like we are having Christmas and everyone else got what I wanted, except me". In way that is so well said. The day went on and I just kept pleading with the Lord that I would be able to handle this with dignity. I did the best that I could, I smiled, I focused on the kids, and had a Charlie Brown moment of self pity. I apologize if I offended anyone.

I left the party all by myself not really because I was upset I was just done for the day. I laid in bed again all by myself to later be joined by my sweet Husband who I just cried on. I asked him "How are you such a better person then me, how can you handle tonight with such grace, while I act like such a brat?". He said "I didn't". He told me he saw our brother in law give us a nod letting us know what was about to happen and he reached to his mom to get the camera away from her to take pictures, He said I knew that camera was so big I could cry behind it and no one would know. He said he felt like he had been kicked in the stomach, and then he cried.

So we learned to today that it is hard to be happy for others when we don't get what we want. It must have been a lesson that we both needed to learn. We also talked about how the world wasn't going to stop for us to get our footing or to mourn with us, that this was our trial and we would not wish it upon anyone. We are going to pray for health and happy babies everywhere, not just for ours anymore. I guess we learned to be a little selfless today.

October 22, 2009

2009-10-23T00:48:00.000-07:00

Have you ever ran in a marathon before or a long distant race. You know that feeling of I am doing okay I, I am feeling really good, I can do this, and then minutes later you hit that wall. You are not sure why you hit that wall, you have trained and practice and ready. Well today I hit my wall. I had to run to Costco and I seriously had to just keep telling myself, "I am going to be okay," "I am going to be okay." I made it.

I picked up Stockton from tutor and we were driving home and I looked over and he was just crying. He told me how sad he was for the baby, and Preston expressed his feelings too. I had been walking around for the last few days like a zombie and didn't even realize the effect it was having on the boys. I was so glad my sister-in law came for a visit. We needed company we needed to be happy.

At 6:30 the phone rang. It was Dr. Draper the Neonatologist. He did not have good news. He had spoke with his colleague about us and showed her our ultrasound and pictures and they diagnosed our baby with Thanatophoric Dysplasia. He explained, we googled it, and the images and explanations are almost exactly as if they had were writing about our baby. It is a lethal gene disorder. He told me he was 80% sure this is what it was and that I needed to get in and see his colleague who specializes in these types of genetic disorders. We meet with him, and a team of neonatologist and specialist on November 3rd for a 4th opinion.

Any glimmer of hope that we now had is gone. We now are facing a long 4 months, and delivering a baby that will not live only but moments. I am so heart broken. I physically can feel the pain of my heart through every vessel of my body. I am asking myself "How am I going to carry a baby for the next 4 months knowing the outcome?" It is going to hard, and I may not do it well, but I know that I am a way for this baby to receive a body and to carry on. I know this, I don't for one second doubt my Heavenly Father's plan but it doesn't make this any easier.

We all just fell apart, we are in shock! I knew we would needed comfort. We called our Parents and they rushed over to give us all blessings. Stockton is so strong, late tonight he told us how he knew that they only thing that mattered was family. The whole reason why we are here is so we can return to our Heavenly Father and be a family. I think he is so right!

I just wanted everyone who is so concerned about us to know that we do have a testimony of Eternal Families. We know this, for the past year and half we can look back and see how the Lord us been preparing us for this. Last year in Primary the Theme was "I am a Child of God" and this year it is "My Eternal Family." I served in the Primary Presidency not by chance, but it was a divine calling for me and my son's to gain perfect knowledge that we are all children of God, and we can be Eternal Families. I know what my boys know from Primary, I taught them, some of the most wonderful teachers taught them. We are ready, we have the testimony, we have the training, and the Savior is now carrying us through this trial. I know God lives I have felt his presence and comfort, I know we will get through this.

WHAT??

2009-10-21T16:17:00.000-07:00

No matter the burdens we face in life as a consequence of natural conditions, the misconduct of others, or our own mistakes and shortcomings, we are all children of a loving Heavenly Father, who sent us to earth as part of His eternal plan for our growth and progress. Our unique individual experiences can help us prepare to return to Him. The adversity and afflictions that are ours, however difficult to bear, last, from heaven’s perspective, for “but a small moment; and then, if [we] endure it well, God shall exalt [us] on high.”1 We must do everything we can to bear our burdens “well” for however long our “small moment” carrying them lasts. Elder L Whitney Clayton

I went to the Doctors on the 19th of October, just me. I needed to do a follow up ultra sound but nothing seemed serious. I went in with a full bladder and found that the baby wasn't growing. I actually figured it out all by myself just from the little medical background that I have. So I asked the Nurse "So my baby looks like he is going to be have a long body, big head and small arms and legs?" She just looked at me, and then left the room. She came back and cleaned up my stomach and printed my pictures and tried to be so polite. Then she told me how she could get in big trouble for talking to me about what I had seen, but It looked like there was something wrong with the baby. I was so confused and pressed her and pressed her until finally she said "It looks like dwarfism." Out of a hundred million things I would have never thought to hear those words my chances are like 1 in 200,000 that Sam and I would produce a child with this problem. I just sat there thinking this girl is up in the night. We walked the back way up the stairs to my OB's office and through a locked door and into his office. That is where he met me, and they both sat and told me that the baby looked like it had Achondroplasia. His limbs had not grown since about 15 weeks along and that something was wrong and I could meet with a Perinatologist on Wednesday to give me a better idea with what we were facing. I just couldn't swallow this I thought they have to be wrong. I was in shock they asked me to call someone to come and get me and I knew I couldn't even begin to explain over the phone to Sam what was going on, I didn't want him making that long drive with bad news. I called my Mom I knew she would be closest, She met me and I couldn't tell her either. When we left the Doctor's office we both were convinced this was probably just a mistake. But then Wednesday came and this time my full bladder, husband, and Mom made it to the imaging center to get to the bottom of this mistake. Well it was not a mistake. We are now facing a month to month prognosis of how the baby is developing. We are making plans for a amniocentesis in November, to plan what NICU will best fit our babies needs. We even have discussed what to do if we miscarry and where to go to have testing done. We are making plans and saying words I just didn't even expect to every in my life experience. And not that I don't for one second think that I don't deserve this trial, it is just so mind blowing that I don't even know how to wrap my head around it all. Sam and I had our first little counseling session in the office of the Perinatologist and he said to just put ourselves out there to let people help us. SO we are and I know those who read my blog and have had similar experiences will help us prepare for so many unknowns. I do know my Father in Heaven lives and he does love me, he know exactly how I am feeling. He knows my fears of raising a son of God in such a cruel world, so I know he won't leave me and my family as we adjust. I know families are forever and that the only reason we are here is to return to our Heavenly Father. So however this plays out I am so thankful for my faith and testimony of God and his Son Jesus Christ.

BOY! OH BOY! OH BOY!

2009-09-21T17:00:00.000-07:00

Today the whole family went to see what gender our baby is. Sam said it didn't matter what the gender was he already had the name picked out, Grand Finale Jensen. The baby was very cooperative, and it took eight pictures of the poor boys privates to convince Preston it was not a girl. Preston was devastated, I did pretty good with the news, I think it was because I had to comfort Preston. Stockton was so excited. Sam just said "Really?" We had a few family members who didn't believe us, so don't be offended by the picture posted, it is just our proof that this really is a boy!

SHOUT OUT!!

2009-09-09T15:07:00.000-07:00

Seriously...If you know Jenny Taylor you must ask her to make you salsa. It is....was the best thing I ever tasted, and only I tasted it because I consumed the whole jar all by myself. Maybe if enough of us ask her about it she will give out the recipe!! Thanks Jenny for the best salsa ever!

Will life EVER be normal again?

2009-09-07T10:27:00.000-07:00

We finally have Internet, and phone and satellite! Life seems a little better. We are still not moved in, but working on it. We have had to build an army to combat black widows, hornets, and my favorite mice. The smell of the carpet has not yet left us, but we are working on maybe just replacing it. There are still holes in the walls and boxes everywhere, and you know what I just don't seem motivated to settle in. I have been so sick it seems like it is getting worse instead of better, so Sam works like a mad man at night to try and do it all. We have had so many adventures since moving in, and one would be that of yet again ..... Preston. We have stopped counting how many lives he has left and just pray for his safety everyday. Stockton is going to by him a helmet for his birthday he said.

We have a dog named Jack, that Preston loves so much. We bought Jack a new dog kennel at IFA, the kind of dog kennel that is welded together it is about 5x7x10 or something like that. You pick it up all bundled together. We bought it and headed home. Sam unloaded it from the truck and leaned it up against the house and told Preston we are not going to do this right now. Just as he said that Preston lend up against it (to not listen to his Dad and try and move it himself) and the whole thing fell on top of him and smacked him face first into the concrete. I was on the back deck I heard the whole conversation and then a whole bunch of noise and Sam screaming and Preston screaming. I met them in the driveway and off we went to the Instacare down the road, they met us in the lobby and said go to American Fork Hospital. Where we found he had a major concussion and lacerations on his back and a small fracture in his foot. So we had a week of TV Naps as Preston calls them just laying down and watching a lot of TV. I feel bad for him but he just will not listen and hopefully this time he will learn his lesson and listen to his Mom and Dad more. If not we will just by bubble wrap and a helmet.

These are not even the best pictures, but I could not find my camera. We are missing the forehead being bigger than a baseball and the beautiful black eyes that came with it.

We are in and thanks for all the concern!

2009-08-25T10:30:00.000-07:00

Thanks to so many people who have been offering to help us through our real estate disaster! We appreciate all the family help and friends who have just dropped in to help me as we moved in and Sam was out of town. I can not tell you all how loved I feel! I could not have moved without everyone! We are slowly getting settled and I don't have the Internet right now so for pics and updates check my Mom's blog but forgive her misspelling! Gabe and Shirley

To Buy or Not To Buy

2009-08-13T18:15:00.000-07:00

Here it is Thursday evening and the Carpet Cleaner is coming tomorrow to clean our carpets in out new home....Or maybe I should cancel them. Have you ever had an experience go so bad that you thought God was telling you something?? Well I am thinking I am not meant to have this house. Lets start with the beginning of the week after so many things have gone wrong with our home we found out that the sells contract for out short sale home was never bank approved. After many phone calls and many strings pulled we were able to get the contract by Tuesday Morning. Tuesday Morning we find out our file had been audited and I had signed Sam's name on some the documents and I was going to be charged with Fraud. Yes, I admit I signed the papers but they were only addendum's and I didn't do it to break the law, but Sam was out of town. After a long day, we had to take all the documents to Sam's work and have a witness watch him sign all the documents, we were ready to close on Wednesday. Now it is Thursday evening and remember we have to fund by tomorrow or the house goes to auction. We just got an email stating the homeowner is in the hospital and can't sign. I AM NEVER BUYING ANOTHER HOUSE EVER AGAIN!! I hope a miracle happens or we will be looking for another home. Did I mention I am pregnant!!

So Many Changes

2009-08-04T13:28:00.001-07:00

Changes changes! We currently have no address, we are praying that we will get our home next week. Praying because we have to fund by Friday to stop the auction on the home so we are jumping through hoops right now, and I can thank our crapy Mr. President Obama and all the crapy lenders and banks who put us in a mess and inviting the government to regulate everything we do! So to close a loan you can't be off by more than 1/8th in fees or you have to wait 4 days and redisclose. Can I just say it is going to be tricky to comply with all of this and beat the auction of the home. I am frustrated and moody Why?? You might ask, well I am pregnant and so sick! Life seems crazy and summer is ending and my boys have become pro's on the Wii....no friends + sick mom = lots of time in front of the t.v. We are so grateful for the grandma's and all they do for us providing a home, and entertainment, and taking care of the dog. I hope my next post will be more positive!